“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
Seasons are a natural occurrence as they make way for new cycles and new experiences. Many people view relationships in a similar way. However, people often do not want or expect their relationships to end when and how they do.
Even if you know it’s for the best, it is entirely normal to miss a former lover and have to deal with the hardships of heartbreak.
It can be tempting to side-step the pain by jumping into a new relationship. But you’ll just be dragging your old hurt and patterns into a new situation. Healing after a break up requires space with a focus on yourself for a period of time.
Fortunately, time really does heal a broken heart and eventually you will be ready to open yourself up to new love. Until that time comes, the following are some helpful strategies you can employ to ease the transition.
Regain Your Confidence
If there were offensive or spiteful words exchanged in the ending of a relationship, those words most likely still rest in the subconscious mind. It is not easy to forget when a loved one says hurtful or maliciously things to boost their own self-esteem and damage yours. To help, look to reestablishing your individuality and regaining your self-confidence. This can be done by simply living your life as you normally would, while taking notice of your choices and each small success. Each day, claim your right to be happy and to participate in activities that you enjoy.
Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
Heartbreak can be an opportunity for rebirth. Novel experiences and changes to your routine can allow you to create new neural connections and provide new stimulus to help undo the negative mental state you’ve been thrust into. Try changing up your wardrobe some, styling your hair a bit differently, or seeking out new restaurants, museums, attractions, or hobbies.
The ending of a relationship, especially a long one, can leave you with many questions and uncertainties as to what life holds next. During times like these, while small changes can be helpful, it is best to not make any major life decisions. Getting counseling can be a great way to get help with finding a path forward. There is absolutely no shame in seeking therapy to understand how the ending of a relationship has impacted you and what lessons you can learn from the experience. Therapy can help put an end to toxic habits and vicious cycles so that one can avoid repeating the same mistakes in future relationships.
Everyone should experience the pleasures and joys of “me time.” It’s okay to be committed to prioritizing your own needs, especially after a break up. Yet self-care isn’t about giving in to every whim or desire that arises. It’s important to take care and not overindulge or do things simply because you want instant gratification. This is the difference between making time for exercise like yoga, walking, or the gym (self-care) and saying yes to the impulse or eat a bunch of sweets or drink a bottle of wine or a six pack while numbing out on TV.
Self-medicating with sugar, alcohol, tv, shopping, or even work can further add to feelings of self-depreciation while the real healing is being neglected. Spending time with supportive people can be helpful during this time. Creating structured time with standing self-care dates with yourself or friends can keep you from isolating yourself at home.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that you are not alone if feeling heart-broken with the ending of your relationship. And you don’t have to stuff the pain you feel. Reaching out for help, whether that’s from friends and family, a healing professional, or even self-help books, can go a long way to helping ease the sense of loneliness.
It is also important to pay careful attention to what you engage in. Avoid hateful social media groups and posts that increase the urge to blame and hate.
The human heart is incredibly resilient. If we allow it to, in time you will find your heart has mended, and you are ready to try again.
GET INTO ACTION – make a date with yourself for this weekend to do one self care activity. Post about it on social media as a way of holding yourself accountable for following through.