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Managing anger is a topic that comes up often when I coach couples, especially for the men I work with. It’s not unusual for angry outbursts to cause damage to the sense of trust between men and women. Careless words said in the heat of the moment cannot be unsaid when the anger has subsided and we have cooled off. Apologies get old and the prolonged presence of  unchecked anger in relationships acts like a poison, killing off the foundation love.

Fortunately, you and your relationship no longer have to be held hostage by your anger. You can gain your freedom from uncontrolled anger by understanding the energetics underneath anger and using powerful yet simple practices that will help you move that energy in healthy ways.

What is anger from an energetic perspective?

Simply put, anger is an unconscious energetic habit of attention. It is an unproductive coping mechanism that fills your body with adrenaline and toxins. When a person is at max capacity and anger boils over it means that the amount of energy he or she is attempting to hold is larger than what can be effectively managed.  

The good news is that humans are capable of dramatically improving their capacity to hold larger and larger fields of energy. This allows spaciousness between emotional triggers and uncontrolled outbursts, be they verbal, physical or energetic.

By learning energetic principles and practices you can increase your ability to hold larger fields of energy which translates into more inner peace and patience.

A few simple exercises can help you get an embodied experience of this. The first technique to master is called GROUNDING.

Just like the electricity in your home needs a ground so it doesn’t short out and catch fire, the energy in your body needs a way to ground so you don’t overload it and boil over. Think of this exercise as a way of building in a breaker box so that you can flip a switch and diffuse your anger before it burns down your house.

It’s best to practice grounding yourself daily so it becomes a new habit. It will grow your personal energy field so you can hold greater amounts of energy without boiling over. The more you do it, not only will it help prevent anger boiling over, but it will also be easier to intervene when anger is present.

You can do this anywhere, while stopped at a red light, waiting in a line, or even in the shower. But ideally, you will be seated comfortably with a relaxed yet erect spine.


  1. Breathe – Slow down and deepen your breath.
  2. Glow – Visualize energy glowing in your core and center yourself.
  3. Root – Visualize energetic roots growing from your core down through your body and out of your base. These roots look like those of an enormous tree made of light.
  4. Anchor – Allow the roots to puncture the earth below you connecting you with all of the roots of all of the trees on the way down to the bedrock center of the earth.
  5. Release – Imagine all the excess energy in your system (including any anger) being drained from your body into the molten core of the earth like a milkshake through a straw. Let the earth have it all.

If you do this practice daily, even multiple times a day, you will build a new energetic habit of attention that you can call on in times of anger or increased energy. But maybe even more valuable than that, doing this practice regularly will increase your capacity to hold difficult emotions without them spilling everywhere.

Think of it like upgrading the wiring in your home from a voltage capacity of 110 to 220. Over time you will be able to stay calm and centered in the midst of the kinds of upsets that would have triggered your anger to erupt.

In Part 2 of this post I will share another Anger Management technique that works wonders to help you eliminate angry outbursts.

To learn more about Tj Bartel and how he helps men and couples create more harmonious, deeply intimate relationships, visit his coaching website.